Chat with dad...

Two nights ago I had a dream about my dad. I was in a car riding with someone and thought to myself, "I haven't talked to my dad. He's still alive. I need to call him and check on him".

My dad was 61 when I was born and he died when I was about 10.

The dream felt so real though. I told Jim about it and he said, "Well, talk to him". The answer was so simple. It was yet another spiritual guidance. I was reminded I hadn't talked to him in a while.

The three sentences in my dream were so exact and so direct.

- Throughout my life I have always talked to my dad about everything. Happiness, sorrow, confusion. I've always felt better afterward. But I haven't done it lately.

- My dad is still alive. Maybe not in the physical world, but my dad is definitely still alive in my heart. Always.

- Yes, I needed to reach out and check on him. And let him know how I am doing.

Throughout the day I thought of him often and talked to him. I thought of all the stories I have heard about him and remembered how gentle and kind he was.

When my dad was young, he had a cousin that passed away with two young boys and a wife. His cousin asked my dad to promise to take care of his wife and two boys. So he did. He married Helen and raised the two boys, Gene and Denny, as his own. From what I understand he and Helen never had the traditional marriage but they stayed together until the boys were raised. And then they divorced. After my dad married my mom, we still stayed in close contact with Gene and Denny. They were cousins, yet brothers.

I remember how gentle he was with me. He was over six feet tall and I was just a child. I remember walking up to him and reaching up to make the change in his pockets jingle. I had to really reach and he would always smile.

I remember him holding my hand at night until I went to sleep. We had a two bedroom house with 4 children. I got the couch. He would sit in his chair next to me and keep me safe. Every night.

I have a very vague memory of my brother coming home on leave from the service one time. My dad and I were out in the back yard. Dad was gardening. I was playing. My brother walked into the back yard. I don't know if this was a surprise visit or not but I do remember the happiness on my dad's face. Pure love.

I remember sitting on my dad's lap while he played solitaire at the kitchen table. He had to retire from driving a truck after he had a stroke. He found a job working at a local gas station that he could walk to. It was in Jennings (St. Louis), MO. On West Florissant Ave. My brother has told me that they loved my dad. He had the personality that kept people coming back.

I feel like having a child at 61 would be hard. Having patience would be difficult. But he did. I felt the love he had for me every day. I had a sore throat one night and he walked to the local drug store to get me cherry Ludens cough drops. Did I really have a sore throat ? Probably not. But he made the walk for me.

I also remember the lengths he went to see me after my mom divorced him. He couldn't drive so he would have to take a cab to come and get me.

I strive to be the kind person that my dad was. Kind, caring and giving. Always.

Below is a picture of my dad and his sister Ruth. Paul Lanigan and Ruth Lanigan. And the other photo is a picture of me and my brother, Paul (Allen) Lanigan and Ruthie Lanigan. The story is they had the exact same relationship that my brother and I have. A strong bond with much love between them. This make me happy.

I will love you forever Dad!