Figuring out what you're trying to figure out!

Sometimes, I just put too much pressure on myself. I've been going through a transformation of sorts over the past year but I can't quite put my finger on it. I know at the root it has to do with becoming a better person for myself but that's as deep as it goes. I can never pinpoint anything more specific.

Earlier his week, it hit me that I am literally trying to figure out what I am trying to figure out. And it's been stressing me out! It's like wandering around a maze without a map. Wondering if I am trying to figure out the meaning of life or if I just want a piece of pizza. It's bewildering and annoying at the same time! I have made more lists than you could imagine trying to figure this out.

• Things I want to do to take better care of myself (exercise more, meditate, eat more whole foods)

• Things I want to learn more about (Yoga Sutras, Ayurveda, Chakras)

• Things that can help my body as I age (move more, moisturize)

• Things that bring me joy (laughing, traveling, nature)

• Places I want to see (everyplace!)

So many lists!

So I decided to hit the pause button, take a deep breath, and give myself a moment to sort through the delightful tornado going through my mind. I understand now that I don't have to pinpoint the exact reason or the exact steps I need to take for the transformation to happen.

Over the past year, I've already started to feel a shift inside of me. I don't know how it happened or the moment it happened, I just know it has happened. I know yoga and my interest in spirituality had something to do with it. I didn't control the shift, the shift controlled me. Realizing that was a "aha" moment. Because of things that happened in my past, I have struggled with control issues and I've realized, I am trying to control this shift too.

Now, I am going to try to let go. I'm not going to try to control it and I'm not going to set a deadline. Some things I have to remember are (yes, another list) -

• If I'm going to set a goal, make it achievable

• Know that I will make mistakes and those mistakes. Embrace them and move on. They are part of the adventure

• Practice self-care

• Treat people with compassion

• Ask for support or guidance if I feel I need it

• Be flexible

• If I find something is making me happy, keep doing it

• Keep an open mind and an open heart

• Enjoy life

  
  

This morning I was listening to a podcast about toxic people in your life. I was getting ready for work and wasn't particularly paying attention. I planned to switch to a different podcast and then it happened. I heard the one sentence that stuck and helped me in my journey. The sentence had to do with trust and trying to control things. I immediately thought of an upcoming trip and how I have been dreading the thought of the traffic. I realized that instead trusting all will be good, and of focusing on the fun we are going to have with our friends, I have been focusing on the traffic and how I dread it. Yet another "aha" moment. Time to change my focus. Little shifts like these can move mountains.

Every little thing like this is part of my transformation, my shift. The Universe is directing me and I will stay open to accepting these moments. I'm going to trust that it will happen as it happens and it will be good. ☮

Love and Light,

Ruthie 💗